The ADD Chronicles
by XO'MagickMoon'OX
Summary: This is what happens when you sit through health and bio class with an extremely short attention span and a lot of notebook paper. [References to YAOI, terrorism, and the Holocaust, as well as bashing of Pres. Bush and 50 Cent.]
1. The Prologue to Insanity

**The A.D.D Chronicles**

_XO'MagickMoon'OX_

**A/N: **This is what happens when you sit through health and bio class with an extremely short attention span and a lot of notebook paper. Written by me and my friend, Gates. If you're even bothering to read this, enjoy!

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**The Prologue to Insanity…**

I love Riku.

Who loves Mickey.

Although Riku _really _loves Sora…

Who is dead.

But Riku brings him back to life.

But Mickey gets depressed…

Not that anyone cares.

But Mickey does, so he commits suicide…

And Riku and Sora live happily ever after!

But Mickey come to haunt them FOREVER!

So Sora and Riku run away to the other Worlds to escape teh ghost!

But Mickey finds them in a corner doing…O.O…anyway… Mickey yells at Riku for damning him and loving Sora. So he sends Riku to Hades.

And then Sora enlists the help of Hercules to go to Hades and save Riku… Anyway… and then Hercules dies (immortality be damned) and Sora has to save Riku all by himself…and (for some reason unknown to those possessing a logical, un-yaoi-corrupted mind) Sora has to give Riku mouth-to-mouth—

So Sora (being the Keyblade holder person thing) decides not to give mouth-to-mouth (also deciding to not be yaoi-corrupted) and instead fights Mickey (who is a ghost, and therefore cannot die again). So the idiot Sora fights the invisible Mickey…

And then Riku (still being the yaoi-corrupted bishie that he is) decides to pull Sora out of the stupid fight that he can't win and…

MOLESTS HIM!

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**-End Prologue-**


	2. The First Chapter of Insanity

**The A.D.D Chronicles**

_ XO'MagickMoon'OX_

**A/N: **This is what happens when you sit through health and bio class with an extremely short attention span and a lot of notebook paper. Written by me and my friend, Gates. If you're even bothering to read this, enjoy!

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**The First Chapter of Insanity…**

Uhh…Riku was with Sora one night when he asked him something…

"Sora, how tall are you?"

"Uhh, I'm like three inches."

"Soraaaa, do you think I'm seeexy?"

"Uhhhhhh…"

Riku frowned and poked Sora in the head, but being vertically challenged Sora was able to duck the Poking Finger of Doom and replied finally, "No."

"Buuuuuuuuuut my mooom thinks I'm sexy."

As Sora began to ponder on Riku's home life, Riku picked up his wooden sword and challenged Sora to a match.

"Muhahahahaahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Sora you cannot defeat me and you know it because I am SO MUCH MORE SEXY THAN YOU! OH BABY!"

Sora pouted at that, and because Sora is just OH SO adorable when he pouts, Riku had to fight back the compelling urge to _jump_ the young Keyblade master.

A bomb explodes somewhere far off killing two innocent people in a deserted factory.

Sora blinked. "Ummm…okay." And then is knocked unconscious by one of Riku's ever-successful blows to the head.

"Haha you suck Sora, and you know why? Because no matter what you do you can't defeat me (besides in the last part of the game, buuuut I'm possessed so that doesn't count :P)."

Riku steals Sora away to another world….

Hey look some math! Gates points to some random scribbles on the page

Riku whacks Gates over the head for being completely random and taking the focus off him and his sexy self…

Oh yeah… and Sora too.

You know what Riku? Ur mom.

"Thinks I'm sexy."

"……………………"

Mr. Trembly: "I like milk."

Sora wakes up from his Riku-induced coma and blinks… again… He might have something in his eye. "Who's Mr. Trembly?"

You don't want to know…

Riku and Sora re-engage in the fight. Sora immediately falls on the ground, crying like a baby over his lack of physical fitness and the fact that Riku had just lightly hit him on the arm.

Sora: "MY ARM! WAHHHHHH!"

Riku: "Sora, stop being such a baby."

Sora makes an innocent face as once again a random bomb goes off in America killing Michael Jackson and his plastic-like self.

Sora then leaves to go get a band-aid for his booboo—I mean, _wound_, but is sidetracked by a randomly placed mirror. Sora decides to be all narcissistic and stare at himself. From a random radio somewhere off in the distance plays the song, "I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt. Soo sexy it huuurts."

Suddenly due to staring in the mirror too much, Sora's body undergoes a HIDEOUS MUTATION where a Keyblade appears on his hand.

Mr. Trembly enters the scene and begins chasing Sora around with his stapler, while Sora runs and tries to detach the Keyblade from his hand.

"You have a MUTATION!" Trembly says, completely hysterical (not that he always isn't, but whatever)

Sora suddenly runs into Riku yelling, "AHHwhere'dthekeycomefrom!AHHHHHHHHHH!"

Riku openly gapes at Sora and his mutated hand and begins to…

LAUGH hysterically, before being pegged in the head by Trembly's Stapler of Doom.

Riku: X.X

Trembly finds Chippy and goes off into the distance.

Riku: "..." :raises his eyebrow: "What a psychopath." :rubs at the spot where he was shot by the S.o.D.:

Sora: "Riku are you okay?"

Riku: "IWASJUSTSTAPLEDBYSOMERANDOMTEACHERTHATISN'TEVENPARTOFTHISWORLD! "

Sora: "Yeah, where'd he come from anyway?"

:Gates remembers the Pet Shop of Horrors: Sex 101:

Sora and Riku decide to escape from the psychopathic biology teacher and leave whatever Godforsaken World their ship had landed on and go to the Olympus Coliseum where they find Cloud trying to run away from Hercules.

Cloud: "SHIIIIIIIIIT!"

Hercules: "Come on Baby, we can work this out!"

Cloud: "Stop calling me 'Baby' you skirt-wearing freak!"

Hercules runs faster—

Cloud: "Shitshitshitshitshitshit."

—but nonetheless Hercules trips over his skirt and lands face-first into the dirt, and even though his skirt only comes down to his THIGH, he manages to trip over it anyway.

Cloud: "snortLOSERcough"

Hercules, totally embarrassed, runs off crying, destroying everything in his path… including Riku and Sora.

Riku and Sora: X.X

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-**End First Chapter**-

TBC

We're off to study for Mr. Trembly's most EVIL biology test. Yes, Mr. Trembly is a real person. And he really does have a stapler that he chases students with, and he has an imaginary squirrel named "Chippy". And yes, he is a psychopath. But he doesn't need to know that.

Trembly: Bad! Minus five points!


	3. The Second Chapter of Insanity

**The A.D.D Chronicles**

_XO'MagickMoon'OX_

**A/N: **This is what happens when you sit through health and bio class with an extremely short attention span and a lot of notebook paper. Written by me and my friend, Gates. If you're even bothering to read this, enjoy!

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**The Second Chapter of Insanity…**

And then…!

Mickey appears in a display of golden light and brings his beloved Riku back from the dead.

And because Sora is STILL destroyed, Riku is sad, therein making Mickey sad.

Mickey goes into a depression due to Riku's depression.

Because of Mickey's pea-sized brain it takes him two months to figure that the only way to end Riku's sadness was to bring Sora back.

But of course, it takes him two MORE months to figure out how to do that, and by that point, Riku is practically suicidal.

As Riku is about to jump off a cliff again (note the fact that it takes several times to actually KILL a video game character) Mickey stops him and says……

"RIKU! Have some pie!"

As he tosses Riku the pie, Riku gives him this "wtf?" look and is about to jump (again) when Mickey adds, "Oh yeah, and I brought Sora back to life!"

Riku, overcome with joy, skips over to see Sora.

They both end up running through a suddenly appearing field of flowers to hug each other.

But unfortunately, Riku is allergic to flowers and ends up going into a sneezing fit before he even gets to Sora, falling to the ground in a bout of uncontrollable sneezes.

After the snot fest, Mickey is left in the corner wistfully gazing at Riku and Sora.

VOYEUR! Mwhahahahaahahahahahaha… :Gates points to that and says, "Freak.": ahem.

Riku and Sora decide to leave Mickey in the flower field and escape to…

Ur mom's house… LOL jk

Uh.. they go to that uh… Wonderland place… :Gates says this because she hasn't played the game in a LOONG time:

Lindsey being a snob says, "Called WONDERLAND… duh."

AAANYWAY, after falling through the weird-as-hell Rabbit Hole and find themselves in the Bizarre Room, they begin arguing with the freakish talking doorknob.

"DUDE? WTF! You're a DOORKNOB, your supposed to let us IN OR OUT, NOT SLEEP!" Riku says, already hotheaded from talking with the doorknob for just three seconds.

And then…

Another bomb goes off in America killing two people: George the Asshole…. I mean Bush... and 50 Cent.

Mickey is elected the new president of the United States

"I sure as hell will be better than Bush. He was an ass and I'm glad he's dead," says Mickey in his HAHA BUSH IS DEAD address.

Because of this address, Mickey will never work in Disney World again

Sora appears behind Mickey and gives him a hearty pat on the back.

"I totally agree. If Bush were still around, there'd be _no chance_ for me and Riku to live happily ever after, what with that homophobic bastard in office."

Riku: "Sora… we don't _live_ in America."

Sora: T-T "oh yeah… Damn, we should move."

Riku: "But what about the Island?"

Sora: "Yeah, America DOES have rules, unlike our island where we can run away without our parents' knowledge—DESPITE the fact that the Island is so small and that word would NORMALLY get around quick."

"I think our parents are just oblivious, Sora," Riku says sadly, feeling the familiar nag of teen angst. He begins off on a tirade about how his parents hate him and his life sucks, setting the stage for the next hottest teen drama.

Gates: WTF?

Sora pushes Gates to the side and glomps Riku. "And we'll be the stars of the show, right Riku? The central conflict can be our forbidden love" :D

Sora gets all starry-eyed at the possibilities unfolding before him.

Riku pushes him off and puts on star-shaped sunglasses and says, "Just as long as I'm the lead role." :holds up a very anime-style peace sign:

Sora p**o**uts. "But I'm ALWAYS the star! You're the angsty **a**nt**a**g**o**nist that all of the fangirls fawn over."

Gates then slaps Lindsey for not being able to connect her "o"s completely.

Sora slaps Gates for getting sidetracked.

Okay, okay, enough with the slapping.

Riku: "Yeah good point. But…."

BOOM! Another bomb goes off killing Mr. Trembly's Stapler of Doom.

Gates kicks Lindsey in the face for HER going off topic, and then points out that the stapler is NOT ALIVE and therefore CANNOT be killed. "Gosh what an idiot."

Lindsey makes a p**o**ut that rivals even S**o**ra's.

S**o**ra: "Hey!"

Lindsey and Sora then engage in a p**o**uting c**o**ntest while Gates and Riku stand off to the side, w**o**ndering what the hell is wr**o**ng with their friends.

:Gates imitating Ms. Valerio: "We have some people doing alcohol and a lot doing drugs." LOL

Riku gives Gates one of his "wtf?" looks. Gate just giggles and turns to continue to watch Sora and Lindsey.

Mr. Trembly suddenly appears and complains about wanting to be the only teacher in this story, and proceeds to lecture Ms. Valerio on mutations, even though there is absolutely NO REASON for this. Gates takes Trembly's Stapler of Doom and staples him in the head. He falls on the ground unconscious…even though the stapler couldn't have caused this. Hmmm… Because the stapler was KILLED by Bomb #4.

Riku: "Where are all of these bombs coming from, anyway?"

:Gates remembers last year when her teacher taught them about how bombs were made:

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Ms. Valerio is our health teacher. :D Hope you're all enjoying this... stay tuned for the next chapter of insanity!


	4. The Third Chapter of Insanity

**The A.D.D Chronicles**

_XO'MagickMoon'OX_

**A/N: **This is what happens when you sit through health and bio class with an extremely short attention span and a lot of notebook paper. Written by me and my friend, Gates. If you're even bothering to read this, enjoy!

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**The Third Chapter of Insanity…**

Naminé: "Hey, we learned that too!" :proceeds to bomb a NEIGHBORING country:

Sora points an accusing finger at Naminé, screaming, "NAZI!"

Naminé's bomb kills Canadian rock star Avril Lavigne.

Because Canada now boarders Germany…

O.O…

Meeeaaaaaaaaaanwhile, the tables have turned for our favorite yaoi couple while Sora chases after Riku and Riku could care less.

Somewhere a yaoi fangirl is sobbing in a dark corner.

Gosh, the drama

Riku: "Yes, the drama that I'M the star of…not Sora." XP

Sora: "Hey man…that's not cool…we had an agreement."

Riku: "Shut up, bitch."

Sora: "…Wow."

Eww…sandpaper…

Sora: "What. The. Hell."

Riku :rolls eyes: "Come on, Sora, you know…sandpaper…"

Sora: "Duh…" :begins to drool:

Riku: "Ugh."

Gates: "Now you know what I have to go through with Lindsey."

Lindsey: "…"

Mr. Trembly: "And then in the M phase…"

Sora: "Ur mom."

Gates: "That's my line!"

Out of complete randomness they all decide to leave Earth and go to Agrabah, where they find Jafar having a heat stroke. 'Cause it's sooooo hot in Agrabah.

Riku: "But not as hot as ME!"

Sora strokes Riku's hair. "Nope."

Riku sticks his tongue out at Sora, and then begins running around, singing: "All around the mulberry bush/ The monkey chased the weeeaasel…"

Sora trips him and laughs when he falls on his face. Riku just happens to fall **o**n the Magic Carpet, which then whisks him away to the desert, which is ten times as HOT as the Market Place, and S**o**ra fears that surely Riku will shrivel up… and die.

Riku, still flying on the Carpet, keeps getting farther and farther away from Sora. "Turn around," he tells the Carpet, but it keeps going…as if under a SPELL.

Somewhere, Ansem the Ugly has a voodoo doll of Riku flying on a voodoo doll of the Magic Carpet, while Naminé begins the "Long Live Hitler" movement. Ansem keeps running around in circles and then SMASHES the dolls into a wall. Riku is injured from running into a SUDDENLY APPEARING cliff.

Riku: X.X;; …

Sora is hysterical, s**o**bbing unc**o**ntr**o**llably **o**ver the untimely, TRAGIC, HORRIBLE, PAINFUL _DEATH _of his love. :Lindsey holds up an anime-style peace sign:

Gates: … I said he was injured…not dead.

Sora: "Ohhhhhh…" :glomps Riku, therein further injuring him:

Riku: "GAH YOU IDIOT!"

Sora: ":sniff: I'm s-s-sorry! I wuv you!"

Riku: "Yeah, yeah, whatever, just get off me."

Cloud: "Now you know how _I_ feel." :pushes Hercules away:

Riku: "WTF? How'd you guys get to Agrabah?"

Cloud: "…" :shrugs: "Uh… we… walked?"

Sora: "Suuuuuure… okay so, WHAT are you doing here?

Hercules: "HONEYMOON!" :D

Sora: "OMG LEMME SEE THE RIIIIIIING!"

Hercules and Sora go off gaily chatting about the wedding leaving Riku and Cloud to talk.

Riku: "Sooo how'd you propose?"

Cloud: "… I didn't…"

Riku: O.O "Ummm…"

Somewhere on the west coast another bomb goes off killing Malibu Barbie. :many young boys celebrate:

Riku: "Enough with the terrorism already!"

Mickey, sounding rather affronted: "No need to yell! We're doing the best we can!"

Riku: . "That's not what I meant… oh never mind."

Riku stops to grab Sora.

Sora: "Woah, where we going?"

Riku: "We're gonna get married."

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-**End The Third Chapter of Insanity**-


	5. The Fourth Chapter of Insanity

**The A.D.D Chronicles**

_XO'MagickMoon'OX_

**A/N: **This is what happens when you sit through health and bio class with an extremely short attention span and a lot of notebook paper. Written by me and my friend, Gates. If you're even bothering to read this, enjoy!

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**The Fourth Chapter of Insanity…**

Hercules: "I think we rubbed off on them…"

Cloud: "What do you mean 'we'?"

_-cut to church scene-_

Sora looks at himself in the mirror in his wedding dress. "Why do _I _have to wear the dress?"

Riku: "Because I look sexy-as-hell in a tux."

As an afterthought, Riku says, "Of course I look sexy-as-hell in ANYTHING, but that's besides the point."

Sora resists the urge to say, "You look especially sexy-as-hell in _nothing_," knowing that Riku would not appreciate it… at least not before the honeymoon.

Sora really needs to stop getting ahead of himself.

A not-so-stray bomb lands on the church conveniently after the ceremony had been launched by none other than Naminé the Nazi.

Though don't worry readers, Sora and Riku are alive. You all can take a breath.

Riku: "GODDAMMIT NAMINÉ WE'RE NOT JEWS!"

Naminé: "Didn't you learn ANYTHING in history class? Jews are not the only targets. Homosexuals are, too." :sadistic laughter:

Riku: "Fuck. You. Up. The. Ass."

Sora: "Noooo, fuck _me _up the ass." :innocent smile:

Riku: "…."

Sora: "But… but its our wedding day…"

Riku: "That's supposed to be saved for the honeymoon. Silly." :P

Suddenly, the U.S army bombs Naminé and her Nazi cult, led by President Mickey.

Riku and Sora: "HOORAY FOR PRESIDENT MICKEY!"

Mickey yells down to them, "I LOVE YOU RIKU!"

:All celebration dies:

Riku: "Ahem, well…shall we get on with this?"

Sora: "Uh…yes, yes. Where shall we go for our honeymoon, Dear?"

Riku: . "Don't talk like that."

Sora: "…O-Okay."

Riku: "Hmmm…let's go to…Traverse Town!"

Sora: "…Why?"

Riku :shrugs: "'Cause…I like it there. That was…uh…" :tries to think of something at least remotely romantic that will convince Sora to go… "That was where we first met up after we were separated, remember?"

"Oh, yes!"

"All right, let's get going."

They both hop onto the gummi ship with the sign on the back "Just Married". The sign was custom-designed by…Sora's mom. Anyway, they land in Traverse Town…and immediately meet up with Leon, who looks a little breathless and out-of-sorts, as if he'd just been……never mind.

Gates: Ugh, Lindsey you're sick.

Anyway.

"Hey Leon."

Leon :gasp, gasp: "Hey guys."

Sora blinks. "What are you running from?"

Riku wonders if his new husband is really _that _naïve, and then decides that he is.

Leon: "Uh…one of the Heartless is after me."

:Heartless appears:

Leon: "IT WAS JUST A BOOTY CALL!"

Sora destroys the Heartless with one swing of his Keyblade (which magically appeared out of NOWHERE), and Riku turns to Leon, saying, "Now, what were you _really _doing?"

Hercules enters the scene. "Hey, has anyone seen Cloud?"

Sora: "Noooooo…why?"

Hercules breaks down into sobs. "HE'S GONE! I CAN'T FIND HIM ANYWHERE!"

Leon looks away, clearing his throat. "I…uh…haven't seen him." Then, completely unprovoked and just a little paranoid, he shouts, "I'M NOT LYING! I REALLY HAVEN'T SEEN HIM LATELY! STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!"

Everyone else: "……………"

Riku snickers.

Sora: "Erm, anywaaay…" :goes to comfort Hercules:

-Note to readers from Gates: No he is not going to COMFORT Hercules the way you yaoi-corrupted minds would think-

Lindsey parrots Riku's snicker, then procures a flag that says "YAOI FOREVA!" and runs around in circles.

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-**End Fourth Chapter of Insanity**-


	6. The Fifth Chapter of Insanity

**The A.D.D Chronicles **

_XO'MagickMoon'OX_

**A/N: **This is what happens when you sit through health and bio class with an extremely short attention span and a lot of notebook paper. Written by me and my friend, Gates. If you're even bothering to read this, enjoy!

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**The Fifth Chapter of Insanity…**

Sora was wearing a dress.

Mickey had bombed Naminé.

And Riku was doing the hula.

They had decided to screw Traverse Town and go to HAWAII for their honeymoon. And while there, they ran into Jack from the hit TV series _Lost_.

Jack: "AH, YOU'RE THE _OTHERS!_ …Why are you in bikinis?"

Riku: "Because we're damn smexy."

Jack gives them a funny look and runs AS FAST AS HE CAN POSSIBLY RUN in the opposite direction.

Riku: "Okay then."

Somewhere in the distance, Jack continues to run until he trips and falls down The Hatch, consequently knocking himself unconscious. OH NO! Now the cast of _Lost _has NO DOCTOR and they're all going to DIE! Dun dun dunnnn.

Locke: "Jack? Jack!"

Riku: "Okay, where'd HE come from?"

Locke: "_OTHERS!_ NIIYAAA!" :takes out flamethrower and turns Riku and Sora into crispy, tender meat: "FOOD!"

Mickey: "Oh no you don't!" :restores Riku and Sora using some weird magic thingy, and then chases Locke away:

And of course, none of the bystanders find ANYTHING strange about a magical, talking, three-foot mouse. Why would they? O.O;; … I…don't…know…

Jack :thinks back to the polar bear attack, the weird black-smoke monster, his third-grade spelling bee…:

Gates: WTF? Lindsey, you really need to know… need to know… duh… I forgot.

Haha, Gates is STUPID! XP Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha….

(Gates crosses out her name and writes "Lindsey" above it.)

Riku: "Okay, can we _please _get back to me and my smexiness?"

T-T Fine, fine. Sooooooooooooo… Trembly suddenly appears with a ukulele and in a hula skirt.

Gates: "AHH! My poor FRESHMAN EYES!"

Riku: "I said can we get back to ME and MY smexiness…" :glares:

Trembly: "Never!" :looks for stapler:

Naminé: "Nyanya! I KILLED the stapler! Mwahahahahahahahahaha—" :is pegged in head by stapler: X.X

Trembly: "I have TWO!"

Riku and Sora burst out laughing—

Gates: Waaait… Wasn't Naminé bombed?

Lindsey: She's like Chippy: she never dies.

Uh-oh, that sucks for Riku and Sora and all those other gay couples out there.

Naminé: "There are NO MORE couples; we have destroyed all of the gay, lesbian, and bi people except for you two! Mwahahaha!"

Sora: "What about Hercules and Cloud?"

Naminé: "………Well, THEY'RE not dead 'cause that'd be just a little TOO much drama."

Riku: "Riiiight."

Leon overhears this conversation and heads for the hills, thinking, _Maybe she won't find out! Run, Forest, RUN! _But unfortunately for him, Naminé sees him, takes out her laser gun, and shoots him in the butt, only making him run faster. "Eh, I'll get him later," she says.

-Please note the fact that Gates did not pick up on the Forest Gump allusion and that Leon's getting shot in "the buttocks" was completely coincidental-

"………………………………………"

Riku tells Gates and Lindsey to stop dancing to weird-ass music and to get back to the story.

"But it's fuuunn," Lindsey says as she pouts. Sora chooses to ignore it. (Though it really, _really _bugs him that Lindsey's pout is almost as adorable as his… Of course, he'll never admit it XP). Ahem. Oookay then…

Gates goes over and tries to cheer Lindsey up. :gets on a unicycle, dances around, falls off: And Lindsey, being the blonde-on-the-inside person that she is, is thoroughly entertained by this.

Cloud: "'Blonde-on-the-inside'? What's THAT supposed to mean?"

Riku: "What the hell are you doing here?"

Locke: "AN _OTHER! _ OMG!"

Cloud: "I'm escaping from—"

Hercules: "Lucy, I'm hoooooooooome!"

Cloud: "Damn."

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-**End The Fifth Chapter of Insanity**-


	7. The Sixth Chapter of Insanity

**The A.D.D Chronicles**

_XO'MagickMoon'OX_

**A/N: **This is what happens when you sit through health and bio class with an extremely short attention span and a lot of notebook paper. Written by me and my friend, Gates. If you're even bothering to read this, enjoy!

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**The Sixth Chapter of Insanity…**

Gates continues to criticize Lindsey's PERFECT :cough cough: handwriting, although it's NO MORE legible than Gates'. Gates then proceeds to poke Lindsey in the side…repeatedly…over and over and OVER again until she dies.

Lindsey: X.X

Gates: "YES! NOW I AM THE ALMIGHTY AUTHOR OF THIS STORY! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA—"

Lindsey comes back to life.

Gates: " . …you didn't happen to hear any of that, did you?"

Lindsey (once again proving her blonde-on-the-inside-ness): "Wha? Purple?"

Gates: "Ummm… sure. What's Riku's favorite color?"

Lindsey: "…Purple?"

Gates :slaps Lindsey: "No! That's wrong!"

Lindsey: "Ohhhhhh… right, that's BARNEY'S favorite color!"

Gates :slap: "Wrong! Barney likes ALL colors, dumbass."

Lindsey: T-T

Attention readers: Lindsey and I have the STRANGEST conversations. We came up with the previous few lines through one of our strange conversations.

Lindsey likes speaking gibberish.

Lindsey: "Gah ba ba dah le le loo ne ba twoooo!"

Gates: "…"

Lindsey: "The cloud is gray—I mean, sky…"

Cloud: "What?" :pulls at gravity-defying hair: "Gray? I AM NOT OLD! I DO NOT HAVE GRAY HAIR!"

Lindsey: "But Gates does." :snickers:

Gates slaps Lindsey. "I have SILVER hair."

Riku: "Me too!"

Gates slaps Riku for being random (although not really, she just likes to slap stuff).

Gates :slaps the table, slaps the chair, slaps the wall, slaps herself: "Ow."

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Riku and Sora were playing badminton. A pretty butterfly flew past.

Sora :drops racket: "PRETTEH!" :attempts to catch the pretty thing:

And then he's whacked in the head by Riku's racket. "Pay attention DUMBASS!"

They get back to playing the game, but due to Sora having ADHD or ADD or whatever the hell it is these days, he goes off following a _cloud_ (oh, the irony). Cloud whacks Gates for her bad pun.

Gates (to Lindsey): Hey, you laughed.

Lindsey: I didn't say it wasn't funny; Cloud just didn't like it.

Gates: XP

Lindsey: Teehee.

Anyway…Riku decides to take Sora somewhere. They hop onto the gummi ship and leave Hawaii to go tooooooo

a strip club.

O.O;;

Ooookay. Riku starts pole dancing. For Sora. And anyone else who tries to watch faces the wrath of the Keyblade Master. Which isn't saying much because it's mostly Riku or Leon kicking ass. Speaking of whom… what are Leon and Cloud doing there? Cloud is apparently giving Leon a lap dance. And yaoi fangirls everywhere are drooling.

Gates: I feel dirty.

Lindsey :grabs a bucket for her drool:

Gates :smacks bucket out of her hands: I'm not drooling!

Lindsey: It's for _my _drool, idiot.

Gates: ……Shuddup, Miss Purple.

Lindsey: PURPLE!

Hehe, anyway…Cloud joins Riku onstage. Leon joins Sora in watching. (FYI: Cloud left Hercules a while ago…tying him up and locking him in a basement…and Hercules was too devastated to figure out that the ropes and door were not match for his godly strength.)

Aww…poor Hercules!—I mean…I AM GATES I FEEL NO REMORSE!

Lindsey :pats Gates' shoulder: It's okay, we all feel for Hercules.

Cloud: "……………" :molests Leon:

GAH! Gates is overpowered by the yaoi-ness surrounding her, and suddenly the strip club is inundated by a horde of fangirls as Riku jumps into Sora's lap and begins to ravish him. And of course, Sora allows this.

Lindsey: Of course. :D

Gates: Wow…she says it out loud and then writes it. What an idiot.

Ahem. Anyway, Ms. Valerio enters suddenly and begins to lecture the four horny bishounen on sexual education and the risks of…sexual stuff. Gates and Lindsey proceed to laugh for twenty minutes. Aaaaand, Ms. V is STILL talking.

"…and then, if you don't use protection, you'll get AIDS and die and then…"

Lindsey/Gates: O.O;;

Shane comes in the room… "Shit."

Lindsey/Gates: "What the hell are you doing in a strip club?"

Gates pokes Shane inquisitively.

Shane: "I'm a janitor… I'm cleaning up the shit." :points to shit:

Lindsey: -.-;;

And that's when Shane notices the scantily dressed Riku and the leather-clad (also scantily dressed) Cloud, and then the flushed and irritated-at-being-interrupted-by-Ms.-Valerio Leon and Sora. He decides on a different swear word for the situation. "GODDAMN!"

Heather slaps Shane for using the Lord's name in vain: BAHAHAHAHAHA. Heather goes off to pray.

Shane (the fact that he's in a strip club FINALLY occurring to him) slaps Gates and Lindsey and gets the hell outta there.

Ms. V left with a parting, random comment on alcohol.

Riku :turning to Sora: "Now, where were we?"

Cloud :smirks: "Yes, where…?"

**SEX**. LoL.

Mr. Trembly :points to the _X_: "CHROMOSOME!" :begins to lecture on chromosomal mutations:

Wooooooww.

Riku attacks Mr. Trembly with the Oblivion Keyblade which he miraculously procures from somewhere in his leather pants…and then he jumps Sora. Lindsey sits down with a box of popcorn while Gates goes and buys some sodas. Lindsey turns on some music to drown out…certain sounds…coming from near the stage…ahem…

Erm…PORN VIDEO…

Riku: "What? Porn? Are Sora and I in it?"

Lindsey :grabs camera: "YEP! Along with Leon and Cloud, of course."

Gates: Oh yes, obviously.

And then—

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**-End The Sixth Chapter of Insanity-**


	8. The Seventh Chapter of Insanity

**The A.D.D Chronicles**

_XO'MagickMoon'OX_

**A/N: **This is what happens when you sit through health and bio class with an extremely short attention span and a lot of notebook paper. Written by me and my friend, Gates. If you're even bothering to read this, enjoy!

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**The Seventh Chapter of Insanity…**

—And then Michael Jackson (back from the dead) makes a grand entrance and KIDNAPS Sora!

Oh no!

Riku: O.O "NOO! Only **I **can molest Sora! MEMEMEME!" :Runs after Michael Jackson: "COME BACK WITH **MY** SORA."

Sora, though feeling a bit like an inanimate object, tries to resist the fallen pop star's grasp.

Riku appears and gives his oblivion Keyblade another workout, slaying the Michael Jackson Monster (although he'll probably come back in another few chapters from now).

Sora: "YAY RIKU!"

Mickey comes out of absolutely nowhere and POUNCES!

And then Captain Hook enters the scene, stealing Riku, Sora, Mickey, Leon and Cloud away.

WTF? w/e

Hook: "SMEE! COME OVER TO MEEE!"

Riku: "HEY WOAH HEY HEY HEY WOOOOAH HEY…. WOAH! There is only room enough in this story for HOT yaoi couples."

Gates: I wasn't implying…. Oh nevermind.

Lindsey: Hehe I know. DANCE MY PUPPETS DANCE!

Uhm…. Yeah…. :runs off the bus:

Which is torched by Trembly's lighter.

FOOM! And so the screams begin.

ANYWAY Hook ties Riku, Sora, Leon and Cloud to a sail pole…. Mast? Idk

Mast. Then Peter Pan arrives and kicks the shit out of Hook, because in Disney the good guys always win.

Riku points out that, in Disney, there also aren't any references to strip clubs, pole dancing, lap dances, horny homosexual pretty boys, cursing, kicking the shit outta someone-

Gates: OK LINDSEY I THINK WE GET THE POINT!

Lindsey: …. TOPOISOMERASE! XD

:Gates slaps Lindsey:

"Stop using the paper to copy your bio notes!"

TO POISOM ERASE…. I think I can remember it that way…. It _erases_ the twistedness of the DNA.

Lindsey: But what's with the "to" and "poisom"? Poisom is NOT a word!

Gates: I know… but I'll remember it anyway…..

SHUDUPCOHICKGOSH!

:Heather gives Gates the evil eye:

"Whaaat? Its not like I said 'God damn' or anything"

:Heather slaps Gates:

Lindsey: . It would appear that Gates' slapping fetish is contagious"

ANYWAY! Back to our bishies…

Peter Pan had just saved our favorite pretty boys, and Cloud is now in control of Hooks _flying_ pirate ship, when Leon "distracted" the blonde, which resulted in

crashing into…

Riku: "In the jungle the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight. A WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE A WIMBOWEH!"

…. Deep Jungle

This angered many endangered species advocates, as the crash subsequently killed off the last of the gorilla population.

Leon: "Whoops, my bad." :looks at Cloud: (thinking) _Goddamn he's sexy._

:Heather slaps him:

"OKAY I say she's kicked outta this story. Agreed?"

Us: "Agreed."

Heather leaves once and for all

Shame on the farmer's market for not having our hot dog buns :sigh:

Sora: "Now what?"

Riku: "…. Well… we're in the Deep Jungle; with no other people around, with a LOT of space and a LOT of privacy…"

Sora: "We should play badminton!"

Riku...:sweatdrops: "Ugh."

There's a rustle in the bushes behind them.

Sora jumps into Riku's arms like Scooby Doo.

Sora: "Gah! What is that?"

Riku...:puts Sora down: "It sounds… big"

They both begin to back away until suddenly…

LEON AND CLOUD come rolling out of the bush!

Totally making out.

Riku: "GOD! HAVE YOU NO SHAME?"

:begins to beat the couple over their heads with a randomly placed metal bat:

Sora: "They're not stopping…"

Erm…

Riku whined, "So-ra! I'm about 3 seconds away from molesting you if they don't stop!"

Sora: "…" (to Leon and Cloud) "GO GO GO" :gets out foam hand:

Riku steals the foam hand and throws it on the ground followed soon after by Sora, and then Riku on top of him.

This is becoming too highly rated for Disney.

:O

Mickey enters the scene and arrests them all for adult content in a Disney-related, kinda, story.

Yet this does absolutely nothing because they continue to shamelessly molest each other in prison.

Soon the prison guards take out the cameras in there. The cameras are then pilfered by rabid yaoi fangirls. The poor prison guards never stood a chance. T-T Dun dun dunnnnnn…

Without the prison guards, the four broke out of prison (although considering they're ALL highly skilled WARRIORS, they probably could've escaped anyway, but I suppose they were simply too _preoccupied_) and travel to… Mr. Trembly's house, where they set a bomb. Mwahahaha…

And then they leave for Hallow Bastion. A creepy, big, evil, ominous castle. Why not go there, right? Sure, I mean, there are billions of bedrooms in a castle.

Riku: "True, true." :steals Sora away to one of the said billions of bedrooms:

Door: SLAM.

The Keyblade was left outside the door! Completely vulnerable! Leon steals the Keyblade and shoves it down the garbage disposal. Pieces of the Keyblade are left for anyone to take. How will Sora save the worlds now?

Sora: "I really could care less." :goes back to Riku:

Riku :holds up an anime-style peace sign, grinning like the Cheshire Cat: "Sora saved them once already…why should he have to save them again?"

:Random World somewhere in the distance blows up:

Riku: "NAMINÉ!"

Naminé: "Yes! Thanks for shouting out your position, stupid!"

Riku: "Shiiiit…"

Sora and Riku quickly hop into the gummi ship and fly away before Naminé gets a chance to bomb them. And so began War of the Stars. Sora begins to hum the "Star Wars" theme song

backwards, making it the "War of the Stars" theme song. How he manages to do that, no one knows. Meanwhile, Leon and Cloud flee the Hallow Bastion and go to Hawaii, where they are chased around by the cast of _Lost_.

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**.End Seventh Chapter of Insanity.**

TBC. :D


	9. The Eighth Chapter of Insanity

**The A.D.D Chronicles**

_XO'MagickMoon'OX_

**A/N: **This is what happens when you sit through health and bio class with an extremely short attention span and a lot of notebook paper. Written by me and my friend, Gates. If you're even bothering to read this, enjoy!

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Last time:

_Sora and Riku quickly hop into the gummi ship and fly away before Naminé gets a chance to bomb them. And so began War of the Stars. Sora begins to hum the "Star Wars" theme song_

_backwards, making it the "War of the Stars" theme song. How he manages to do that, no one knows. Meanwhile, Leon and Cloud flee the Hallow Bastion and go to Hawaii, where they are chased around by the cast of Lost. _

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**The Eighth Chapter of Insanity**

Locke: "NIIAAAHHH!" :uses flamethrower to turn them into the newest thing on the KFC menu, the _L&C Combo_.: Tay-stay.

(But somehow, because they're gorgeous, they survive and go back to being their beautiful, yaoi selves.)

Meeeeeeaaanwhile…

Sora and Riku are obviously kicking Naminé's Nazi ass. Because, ya know, that gummi ship is equipped with OH SO MANY weapons.

Yeah, like that one nifty laser that shoots those multi-colored meteors that look like pieces of sugar cereal.

Yes, yes, that would TOTALLY take care of Naminé's army bent on ruling the universe.

Oh yes, definitely. –**note the sarcasm**-

But because this is Disney, the good (sexy) guys win and Naminé is killed………………………………… again. Yessum… and it's not like Mickey's army did ANYTHING to help them. But anyway, after the war and amazing theme song they manage to land…somewhere…at NBTHS (North Brunswick Township High School). Where they run into their old friends, Mr. Trembly and Ms. Valerio.

Riku: "Hehe, this should be fun." :D :takes stapler:

Ms. Valerio: "….Staplers are imperative to your health."

Trembly: "Yesss, they can cause a MUTATION!"

Gates: "So THAT'S why you try to staple Alexa."

Trembly: "But she already HAS one……in her mind."

Lindsey then pops in a J-rock video and Sora, with his ADD, begins fangirl—erm, fanboy-ing over Mana. "OMG IT'S MANA!" 8D

Riku :swoon: "Gackt!" :D

Lindsey swoons with Riku and Sora. Gates rolls her eyes and goes to drool over Tom Felton.

Gates: 8O :drool: "T-T-Tom Felton! AAAAAHHHHHH! I LOVE YOU! YOU'RE ON MY PHONE! LOOOOOOK!" :shoves phone into his oh so adorable face:

Lindsey pouts. "MANA is MORE ADORABLE!"

Tom goes "Draco Malfoy" on Lindsey and casts the Killing Curse on her. Gates bursts out in laughter, but ends up bringing her back. Lindsey clings to Gates. "S-S-Scary pretty-boys!" :shies away from Tom:

In defense of Lindsey, Riku challenges Tom to a duel.

Lindsey: 8D "My hero!"

But sadly, Tom wins because in REAL life he is not some snobby, slick, wimpy, and idiotic Slytherin member of Hogwarts. Instead, he is just a really good duelist…but he's still slick. So Sora then rushes to Riku's aid and pounds Tom into the ground with his Keyblade, much resembling an angry Neanderthal (only cuter) while doing so.

Daniel Radcliffe enters the scene and digs Tom out of the ground, then steals him away to a nearby hotel. Hmmm…. I wonder what they're doing? ……… Anyway.

o.o;; Guh…

Riku is recovering from his duel with Tom when…

LOCKE comes back with his flamethrower and BBQ's Gates' butt for NO APPARENT REASON. And Lindsey laughs—I mean, retrieves a fire extinguisher to help her friend. :D

Gates: T.T Punk.

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**.End Eighth Chapter of Insanity.

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**


	10. The Ninth Chapter of Insanity

**The A.D.D Chronicles**

_XO'MagickMoon'OX_

**A/N: **This is what happens when you sit through health and bio class with an extremely short attention span and a lot of notebook paper. Written by me and my friend, Gates. If you're even bothering to read this, enjoy!

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**The Ninth Chapter of Insanity**

Riku decides that he and Sora should go to relationship counseling for no reason other than that he was bored and thought it would be fun to play "How Long Does It Take to Traumatize the Counselor?"

They end up seeing their good old friend, Hercules. "WHY DID CLOUD LEAVE MEEE? WAAAAH!" he says with his booming voice. Riku and Sora enter the room and boot the weeping demi-god out so that they can play with the nice, unsuspecting counselor.

Riku: "Mwahahaha…"

OMG the counselor is DRACULA!

Counselor: "Good evening." Then, he pulls off his Dracula mask. "Just kidding." Riku and Sora do an anime-style sweatdrop. They exchange classic "WTF?" looks while the counselor introduces himself. "My name is Mr.————" (says something in Japanese that no one without an Asian heritage would be able to pronounce) "and I will be your counselor. So, where should we start? What brings you here today?"

Riku and Sora begin their act, pretending to be a very dissatisfied, bitter couple.

Riku scowls at Sora. "He's horrible in bed."

Mr.————: "…" Mr.———— writes something in his notebook that seemed to look like a stick figure holding a stapler. Hmmm… "Ahem. So, Sora, what do you have to say?"

Sora glares at Riku. "He's a bad kisser. He never brushes his TEETH!"

Riku makes a face. "I do too brush my teeth!"

The counselor makes a face at Riku. "Ahem, do you have an pets?"

Sora: "Well Counselor, you could be mine if you like." :walks over and sits on the counselor's lap:

Mr.————: "…"

Riku mutters, "Man-whore."

Sora: "What was that, Riku?"

Sora suddenly looks very threatening as he brandishes his Keyblade, but of course, Riku isn't intimidated…at all…because he's cool. Sora tried to be cool by doing one of those trippy Matrix moves. Riku only blinks and says, "Fascinating."

Mr.———— (now that Sora has detached himself from the counselor): "So, Sora, you say that Riku is a bad kisser?"

Riku: "Am not! I'll prove it!" Riku pounces on Sora and begins making-out with him, right in front of Mr.————. Soon, the couple ends up on TOP of Mr.————.

Mr.————: "…" O.O;;

And then, Leon and Cloud burst through the door, flushed and out of breath. Riku snickers.

Leon: "Get your mind out of the goddamn gutter! We're running from—"

Hercules: "CLOOOOUUUD!"

"—SHIIIIIIIIIT!"

Shane: "Where?"

Hercules proceeds to chase Cloud around the small room, succeeding in knocking over a desk, a bookshelf, a statue of Julius Caesar, a scratching post (for cats), the Empire State Building, and the Eiffel Tower.

Yes, all of which are in that small room.

Anyway, Hercules becomes depressed and jumps out of a four-story window. And loses his memory of past events, therein letting him get over Cloud and find his new soul mate, Mickey. And from this point forward, Mickey and Hercules shall be honeymooning in Hawaii, where Locke chases them around with his flamethrower.

Locke: "NYAAAAAAAA!"

AAAAAND back to the therapy.

I mean… "couple helping."

Riku :cough, cough: "Ahem, anyway."

Mr.————: "So, what else is troubling you?"

Riku: "Sora has an issue with my mother."

Sora (to Mr.————): "Well, yeah, if YOUR mother thought you were sexy, wouldn't you be just a _LITTLE _disturbed?"

Riku: "Nooooooooooo…"

Mr.————: O.O

Riku: "Well, YOU think I'm sexy."

Sora: "But I'm your boyfriend, she's your MOTHER."

Riku: "… Soooooo?"

Sora: "So that's NOT RIGHT."

Mr.————: "Neither are two guys going together."

Riku and Sora: **O.O**

They grab Locke's flamethrower and totally ROAST Mr.———— for being a homophobe.

Riku and Sora stomp out of the room, thoroughly offended, and set off to fulfill every yaoi fangirl's dream and destroy all of the homophobes in the WORLD. They get ready for the battle by putting on SPANDEX! WOOOO! Actually, only Riku wears his sMexy Heartless spandex; Sora just looks adorably intimidating in his red jumpsuit. :D

Gates: Fine. I see how it is Cohick. Just TOTALLY reject my ideas. Psh.

Lindsey: -**heart**-

Gates: Punk.

Anyway, first the duo sets off for… Atlantica. (Leon and Cloud are back at the relationship counselor's office, beating the homophobe into oblivion.)

Gates: ddivian? WTF?

Lindsey: O-B-L-I-V-I-O-N.

Gates: W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R. Just 'cause I can't read ur handwriting… and I like being a pain-in-the-ass. :)

Lindsey: XD

Anyway. Riku and Sora decide that Atlantica is boring and go bake apple pies.

Gates: NO, they go and bake BLUEBERRY pies. :slaps Lindsey: Get it right.

Ummmm… okay. They then decide to sell their BLUEBERRY pies to make money for their masters—I mean, authoresses.

Gates: Teehee… Yes… money. WORK SLAVES! Oh… ahem, I mean, our dear, valued, loved characters.

Riku/Sora: -.-;;

Suddenly, NARUTO appears.

Riku: "You're in the WRONG fanfiction DUMBASS!"

Naruto shrugs and uses his Sexy no Jutsu to turn himself into a BEAUTIFUL, BUSTY, BLONDE girl.

Riku/Sora: "AHHHHHHH! MY EYES!" :cling to each other:

Naruto: "You better believe it!"

Lindsey slaps the producer of the American Naruto anime for giving Naruto stupid lines and a horrible voice actor.

Gates: FINALLY Lindsey slaps someone. 8O.

Anyway, after getting their eyes blinded by the GORGEOUS female Naruto (YAOI power!)…

Riku and Sora run away as fast as they can, still clinging desperately to each other, to get away from the straight person.

The straight GIRL, no less. Although, one would have to wonder if the person who invented a jutsu to switch their gender is really straight…

Sasuke: "Damn right, he's not straight!"

Naruto poofs back into his loveable, male self and is promptly dragged away by the collar, courtesy of Sasuke. Naruto waves cutely. :)

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**.End Ninth Chapter of Insanity.**

TBC.


End file.
